Apathy as a Defense 
So close
that I can almost cry,
But with
broken wings, I just can’t fly.
To lethargic
to even feel apathetic,
though I know that
this should feel pathetic,
I can’t
break the cycle, all I can do is wait,
too much self-hatred
to even blame fate.
Have to hold
on, until life starts again,
must to find the
energy to defend,
against
self-defeating thoughts and fear,
got to believe
in the cycle and that mania is near.
Must force
myself to pretend that this isn’t pathetic,
have to believe
in the protection of being apathetic.
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