Hold on, be strong

too right but so wrong.

Searching for a former clarity,

but now I live in a new reality.

Everyone said I was capable of anything

if I'd just decide and try my best, I could have everything.

I never did, so I'll never know;

it's probably for the best

because it softened the blow.

Now, my limitations are impossible to ignore -

medications galore — keep me rational but there simply is no cure.

I hit the bottom and clawed my way back to your reality,

I'm still learning how to adapt and control this new overwhelming anxiety.

I can talk a good game and fake it like the best of anyone,

I can keep it all inside and fool everyone.

But I won't because I need to rebuild my confidence to heal

and I can't do that when I feel so disconnected and unreal.

I feel ashamed though I've done nothing wrong,

hiding my sickness is weak, speaking out is strong.

Especially since so many people doubt that  it's even real

As did I, for so long that I forgot how to feel.

But now I'm facing down my biggest fear,

and my limitations are on display — tangible and clear.

I finally made a commitment and gave it my all,

looks like it won't be good enough, but I won't let that make me fall.

I stood up and have endured as so many symptoms returned,

I've kept them in check and there's so much I have learned.

Most importantly, I've met my goal

by sheer willpower because there's a limit to what medicine can control.

And yet when my family tells me that they are so proud I've made it through,

it's bittersweet — an uncomfortable reminder that it's the best I can do

but I've given this a lot of thought,

and I am proud because at least I tried and I fought.

Pass or fail, this battle is already won

because I struggled, stumbled, cried, but I got it done.

The exam results won't change anything,

I got thought this, now I know I can get through anything.

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